The revision process involves a close examination of many different aspects of the story. One that must be consistently portrayed is point of view.
 
Point of view doesn’t have to be solely that of one character, but it should only be shown from one character at a time.
 
Each of the major players has a story and a point of view. Some authors use the aftermath of an action scene as an opportunity to advance the antagonist’s story line. That is a good strategy, as we need to show why the enemy is the enemy.
 
Transitions and point of view are crucial to the story. A well-paced narrative has a kind of rhythm.
 

• processing the action,
• action again,
• another connecting/regrouping scene

 
The regrouping scenes are transitions, places where we move the plot forward through conversation or introspection. This allows the reader to process what just happened through one of the characters’ eyes, or their point of view.
 
We justify the events that just occurred, making them believable. Transitions are also opportunities to ratchet up the tension.
 
But these are also places where it is easy to accidentally shift to a  different point of view character, so the revision process involves paying attention to who is talking and giving them the entire scene.
 
One kind of transition is introspection:
 

• Introspection offers an opportunity for new information important to the story to emerge.
• It opens a window for the reader to see who the characters are and that they are self-aware.

 
Keep the scenes of introspection brief and go easy on them if you are given to using italics to set them off. A wall of italics is hard to read, so don’t “think” too much if you are using those.
 

• Characters’ thoughts must serve to illuminate their motives at a particular moment in time.
• In a conversation between two characters, introspection must offer information not previously discussed.
• Internal monologues should not make our characters too wise. Humanize them, show them as a bit clueless about their flaws, strengths, or even their deepest fears and goals.

 
Conversations: Each character must speak uniquely, sounding like themselves. Don’t dump conversations into a blender and pour out a string of commentary that makes them all sound alike.
 
I also suggest you don’t get fancy with speech tags/attributions. It’s best for me as a reader when the author avoids words that take me out of the narrative. Some words are eye-stoppers. I recommend you stick with said, replied, answered—common and ordinary tags that don’t leap out at the reader like ejaculated, disgorged, spewed, and so on.
 
Occasionally, you can get away with more forceful tags, but keep them to a minimum. You can also do away with speech tags for brief exchanges if the scene contains only two characters.
 
Make the characters' actions and words show the force of their emotions, rather than relying on exclamation points to convey excitement. Keep the overuse of exclamation points down so the dialogue doesn’t become breathless.
 
Fade-to-black and hard scene breaks: I’m in two minds about using fade-to-black scene breaks as transitions. Why not just start a new chapter?
 
One of my favorite authors sometimes has chapters of only five or six-hundred words, which keeps each character thread truly separate and flows well.
 
In a short story, a hard scene break is sometimes required, as you don’t have the option to do chapters. Editors with open calls will often ask that you insert an asterisk or hashtag between scenes.
 
We want to create a sense of intimacy, of being in the character’s head. One way to do that is to use stream of consciousness, a narrative mode that offers a first-person perspective by showing the thought processes of the narrative character, along with their actions and conversations.
 
This device incorporates interior monologues and inner desires or motivations, as well as pieces of incomplete thoughts that are expressed to the audience but not necessarily to other characters. Consider this passage from James Joyce’s Ulysses, as Bloom attends a funeral for an acquaintance and is unable to avoid the painful memory of his son’s death.
 
The carriage climbed more slowly the hill of Rutland square. Rattle his bones. Over the stones. Only a pauper. Nobody owns.
 
In this narrative mode, we see the POV character’s rambling thoughts, as well as witness their conversations and actions. This is a difficult device to do well, and the only time I have used it was in a writing class.
 
Many authors employ the first-person point of view to convey intimacy. With the first-person point of view, a story is revealed through the thoughts and actions of the protagonist within his or her own story.
 
And then I was alone in the dark silence of the empty street, with the rising mist as my only companion.
 
I have used first-person point of view mostly in short stories and find it easy to write.
 
However, I write my longer work in an omniscient voice. The story is told from an outside, overarching point of view. The narrator sees and knows everything that happens within the world of the story, including what each of the characters is thinking and feeling.
 
A way to convey intimacy when writing in third person omniscient is to use the third-person subjective. This mode is also referred to as close 3rd person.
 
I like this mode and frequently use it. At its narrowest and most subjective, the story reads as though the viewpoint character were narrating it. This is comparable to the first person in that it allows an in-depth revelation of the protagonist's personality but differs as it always uses third-person grammar.
 
It is easy for me as a reader to form a deep attachment to the protagonist when a story is written in this mode. This is also a good way to avoid the first draft curse known as “head hopping.”
 
When an author switches point of view characters within a single scene or even a paragraph, you have head hopping. First, you’re in her head, then you’re in his head—it becomes difficult to follow who thought what.
 
Head-hopping occurs in the first draft because the thoughts of every character are clear to the author, who writes them as she “hears” them.
 
For the reader, it’s like watching a “he thought, she thought” tennis match.  It is critical from a reader’s perspective that authors avoid head-hopping. The best way to do that is to begin a new chapter each time you change the point-of-view character.
 
And as a note, head-hopping happens most frequently when using a third-person omniscient narrative—the god-like narrator who sees all and knows all.
 
In the revision process, we want to have smooth transitions between scenes. We work to ensure consistency in our narrative mode, especially in regard to point of view. Making good revisions is a challenging project and can take longer to complete than writing the first draft did.
 
But the reward is well worth the effort.
 
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Credits and Attributions:
 
Connie J. Jasperson is a published poet and the author of nine fantasy novels. Her work has appeared in numerous anthologies. A founding member of Myrddin Publishing Group, she can be found blogging regularly on both the craft of writing and art history at Life in the Realm of Fantasy.
Wikipedia contributors, "Narration," Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Narration&oldid=777375141 (accessed Dec. 30, 2019).
Quote from Ulysses, by James Joyce, published 1922 by Sylvia Beach
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In our last post, Making Effective Revisions: Timid Phrasing (Series, Post 2), we discussed why words must be carefully chosen to have their greatest effect. If you are writing a first draft, this post contains good information, but get that story written before you begin fine-tuning it. I strongly suggest you don’t agonize over word choices until you are in the revision process.
 
In the English language, words that begin with hard consonants sound tougher and therefore carry more power.
 
Verbs are power/action words. How we use them makes our work active and immediate, or passive and makes the reader an observer rather than a participant.
 

• Placement of verbs in the sentence
  1. Moving the verbs to the beginning of the sentence makes it stronger.
  2. Nouns followed by verbs make active prose.
     1. I ran toward danger, never away.

 
VERBALIZE by Damon Suede is an excellent resource for authors who want to understand the many nuances of verbs and their importance. He is a writing craft educator as well as a best-selling Romance author.
 
We may not know how Suede will come out in the current hyperdramatic RWA kerfuffle, but one thing Suede understands is how to write active prose. VERBALIZE is jammed with hard-hitting, rapid-fire information, just like his seminars.
 
The one problem I have with this book is the barrage of information. There is a lot going on visually as well as informationally. I find it easiest to absorb the book in small doses, which allows me to think about what he is saying.
 
I read a bit, think a bit, and write a lot.
 
If you learn nothing else from reading his book or attending one of his seminars, verb placement is crucial. What Suede has to say about verbs, their importance in character development, and how best to place them in the sentence is well worth the cost of the book.
 
We all know verbs are action words. That means they are all forceful, right?
 
Not exactly. Some verb forms weaken the narrative.
 
An infinitive verb is a verb with the word “to” in front of it:
 

• to be
• to have
• to hold
• to walk
• to dream
• to sleep

 
Without the word “to,” each of the above words is just a base verb. They are finite, limited. They are the action, end of story.
 
When you add the word “to” in front of the action, it is no longer finite—it becomes unlimited, or infinite: an infinitive.
 
This lack of boundaries creates a passive voice when telling a story.
 
For some, more literary narratives, occasionally injecting the passive voice into prose is appropriate. It can make a passage feel poetic if that is the author’s intent.
 
However, for genre fiction, we want our work to have an active voice. To that end, we avoid the overuse of infinitives.
 
When we first begin sharing our work in writers’ groups, we are shown instances where our use of infinitives creates a passive narrative, separating the reader from the action.
 
A less experienced author might try to combat that by changing some verbs into what they think is a more active form: the gerund. By doing this, they are actually changing verbs into a form that is derived from a verb but functions as a noun. In English, gerunds are verbs ending in -ing.
 
There are no exceptions. Example: asking, as in do you mind my asking you?
 
A side bit of trivia: in modern speech, expressions such as “can’t stand,” “couldn’t help,” and “it’s no use” are frequently followed by gerunds:
 

• I can’t stand running in place.
• It’s no use harping at me; I won’t change my mind.

 
SO: a gerund is a form of a verb used as a noun. But what about the present participle? A participle is a form of verb used as an adjective or as a verb in conjunction with an auxiliary verb.
 
In English, the present participle has the same form as the gerund, in that it is a verb ending in -ing. The difference is in how they are used.
 
Consider the verb walk, as in to step forward. When used with an auxiliary verb (is walking), it serves as a verb and is the present participle.
 
When used as an adjective, such as in a walking contradiction, it is also a participle. However, when used as a noun (walking is difficult when going uphill), it is a gerund.
 
Phrasal Verbs: We use phrasal verbs all the time in our daily speech and in our writing. Phrasal verbs are  two or three words (an action word + modifiers) forming what can be considered a separate verb-unit with a specific meaning. In other words, they use more words than are needed to express a thought:
 

• Who is looking (action word) after (modifier) (phrasal verb unit) the kids? Could be made active: Who is watching the kids?
• They brought (action word) that up (modifier) (phrasal verb unit) twice. Could be made active:  They mentioned it twice.
• Who can put (action word) up (modifier) with (modifier) (phrasal verb unit) that? Could be made active:  Who can endure that?

 
We use these phrasings because they sound natural to us. It’s the way people in your area might speak. But when used too frequently in a written piece, phrasal verbs junk up the narrative. They subtly contribute to what we call “purple prose” because the overuse of them separates the reader from the story.
 
For that reason, we should look for simpler ways to phrase our thoughts when writing. The exception would be when we write conversations spoken in the local vernacular.
 
Choosing which bits of backstory are important to convey and binding them into small packets inserted only when the reader needs to know is critical. Impart that information by using verbs and words beginning with consonants to evoke powerful feelings.
 
Use power words in conversations to distribute packets of exposition (backstory). In this way, you can give both the reader and the characters necessary information without resorting to a blatant info dump.
 
All words—verbs or nouns or adverbs or adjectives--all words have their place in our writing process. The way you choose and combine them is your voice, your style. However, if we are writing science fiction or fantasy, or mystery, or a thriller—using an active voice is the key to conveying a sense of immediacy and emotion.
 
Place your verbs toward the beginning of most of your sentences and make minimal use of gerunds and phrasal verbs. Front-loading your sentences with the action makes the prose more active. Active prose draws the reader into the action and creates an emotional bond with the characters and their situation.
 
Readers remember books that involved and moved them emotionally. They insist their friends must read them.
 
Authors want to be remembered for having written a story that so moved a reader emotionally that they had to talk about it and share the book with a friend.
 
To me, there is no higher praise.
 
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Credits and Attributions:
 
Connie J. Jasperson is a published poet and the author of nine fantasy novels. Her work has appeared in numerous anthologies. A founding member of Myrddin Publishing Group, she can be found blogging regularly on both the craft of writing and art history at Life in the Realm of Fantasy.
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